Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
