the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
