The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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