Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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