Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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