Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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