Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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