before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
