well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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