I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Floor bacon is actually really good
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
