And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
