What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
My cat gives me a boner
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
