Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
