the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
