he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
