but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
