Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
