Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
