TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
