She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
