If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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