Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
