I think im going to throw up on grandma
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
