i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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