wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
