i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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