btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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