my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
