Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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