I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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