Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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