I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
