Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
