I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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