even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
