There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
