just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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