i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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