I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
