i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
