Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I think your dad took our porno
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
