god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
