I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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