I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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