I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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