I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
