is your mom at the bar?
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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