My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
