i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
