Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I didn't notice because vodka
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
