I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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