HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
